Her Birthday

If there was one event in my life that I could choose be a part of in the future it would be the birth of our daughter. To hold her tight the moment she's born. To kiss her tiny sweet face. I would love more than anything to be a part of her Birthday. Her journey into the world, not just home. Wherever you might be this very second Effie Maxine. Warm in the womb, snuggled next to your Mama or wrapped tight in your bed with your sisters; Sleep tight and know that Mommy and the world love you beyond measure.

Learning Language

What will be considered my child's primary language when she is adopted?
Mandarin Chinese, most likely.
What if she has not yet uttered a single word? What if she is still just babbling?
The answer remains the same. Her primary language or L1 will be Chinese.

Think about it. At about 30 weeks (Gestation) when this child was still inside her mother's womb, she could hear; the muffled speech patterns, tone, inflection,the sweetly sung lullaby. That means that even if the child is only say, ten months old (and never spoken a word), she will have had the experience of hearing HER language for nearly a year.

Many people take this critical time period for granted. The first 8-10 months of a child's language development is almost exclusively receptive learning. They are quite literally "taking it all in". Most children that spend time in welfare institutions or orphanages have significant developmental delays in the areas of sensory, motor and speech. If you think about it, that makes sense. Without the stimulation, how can they gain experience?

The process of acquiring a second language at this point is as follows:

A. Child is exposed to L1 (Mandarin Chinese) for up to one year. He/She is learning language concepts that will build a solid language base. These concepts do not generally go away, but transfer to new languages.

B. The child may babble or say non-sense syllables in her L1. This part is very interesting. All children are born with the ability to create EVERY sound in EVERY language. As they hear a specific language repeatedly, the sounds of that language are reinforced. Those that are not heard on a regular basis will fade and no longer be available to the child. WOW!! Now, that is interesting. That explains why Asian folks speaking English have such a hard time with certain sounds. They don't exist in their language. (The scene from "A Christmas Story" comes to mind.)

C. The child is adopted and taken to the US where L1 disappears instantly. Many suggest that continuity can be achieved by playing DVDs of Chinese Mandarin Dialog or Music. This seems like an excellent idea. Hearing one's primary language L1 can help to calm and comfort them.  It is during this transition to the US when L1 may start to fade because the child is no longer receiving daily exposure to L1.

D. The adopted child hears L2 spoken by family and in the world around them. This is the point at which I believe that sign language is a VERY VALUABLE tool. Sign is a universal language. It's amazing to be able to give children both visual and auditory information at once. Receptively they are gaining L2 as L1 continues to fade. Many of the valuable concepts learned in L1 will transfer to L2 as it becomes more familiar.

E. Eventually L1 fades completely and L2 becomes the primary language. We hope that this never TOTALLY happens. We want to learn a few phrases and words in Chinese to help our daughter hold on to a tiny part of her culture and language. But, ultimately this is the end product. The hope is that the child swaps out L1 for L2.


WHAT YOU MUST KNOW WHEN ADOPTING INTERNATIONALLY!!

Although many early concepts can be transferred from one language to another, there is still a significant delay in L1. When the child arrives in the US and is submersed in a new language and culture there is likely a significant loss of identity happening, much confusion and probably some fear. Imagine that this child is a "Newborn" in a sense when it comes to language. Her language development and skills will be equivalent to the number of months she's been in the US plus a few months to account for learned basic concepts (not lost) that will transfer to L2. ie: If she is 15 months but has been in the US only 6 months, then you should be looking at the milestones for about and 8-10 month old. This gap, will slowly close if the child is typically developing, but be very patient. It's quite an experience to have this HUGE life change.

Hopefully this has given some useful information on language acquisition and made a plug for using Sign Language with your adopted child. There will be more to come about Sign in future posts. Come back and visit again soon.

A Pretty Good Start

Having my son via C-Section was not in the plan for me. But, it happened. I was barely holding it together. Three days after surgery I received 2 units of blood in a transfusion. Just hours later, the Doctor told me they were going to supplement my son’s feedings with formula. I wept. I screamed and cried. “Give me just 12 more hours” I pleaded, “and a little bit of confidence. My birth experience was a disaster. Just let me have this one thing.”  I convinced them. Then I met a woman who changed my whole life. MaryAnne or MarySue or Mary something or another was the name of the lactation consultant at the hospital. She was very kind, patient and just exactly what I needed. More importantly she was just exactly what Jack needed. We proved that we could do it, together. I think back today in awe of this MOMENT in my life. It seems like the entire first year of my child’s life was determined right then and there. Monumental. Thank you Mary whatever your name was, a million times THANK YOU!!!

I have struggled in this adoption process with control. What will my child be eating that entire first year before we bring her home? Are there pillows or thick blankets in her crib at the orphanage that could suffocate her? Is there lead in the paint on that wooden rattle she loves to chew on? Is she in pain with an infection or diaper rash? Who will sing to her when she can’t fall asleep? Who will hug her when she feels lonely? Dear God, how can I keep her safe until she’s here?

It will be painful for me to have to buy formula for Effie, to feed her from a bottle when I’d love nothing more than to have the same privilege I had in nursing my son. This is just one of the many things I can’t control about being her mother, but of the things I can, I promise you and her that I will try to make the best informed decisions I can regarding her heath, education and happiness. Not everyone will agree with the way my husband and I choose to parent our children, but WE agree together that we want the smartest, healthiest, kindest and most well adjusted children on planet earth. I think we’ve made a pretty good start.

The Red Thread: A Book Review

While Jack has just discovered it, I've rediscovered our Public Library here in town. From the borderline scary illustrations of "Diaper David" board books to Origami Step By Step to Duck Goes Potty, many lessons learned and taken to heart. I also have been able to find a number of great books about adoption. Some are just fictional novels like the one I just finished called, THE RED THREAD  by Ann Hood. I thoroughly enjoyed this book. The diversity of each couple and their obstacles and struggles during the adoption process is well developed.She also includes the parallel stories of each of the babies' birth mother, giving a glimpse inside the thoughts and very emotional and realistic struggles in abandoning their own children and the circumstances that are beyond their control.  It is an easy read that at the end puts you in that spot where you hope and pray to be in a few years, taking your child into your arms FOREVER.

Being a fictional novel, it is very different from the book I finished just prior called, THE LOST DAUGHTERS OF CHINA by Karin Evans. This book is an actual account of the process of the adoption and the transition to home life following the child being placed. It also gives a great deal of food for thought in it's vivid description of imagined birth mother stories and the situation with China's current and not so distant past laws about "one child" families and how those laws affect the age and gender of most of the children available for adoption now.

At this point, having finished the light-heartedness and easy read of a novel like THE RED THREAD, I have now taken on, CHINA GHOSTS by Jeff Gammage. This is a very compelling tale of the struggles while in China with their new 2- year old child, the explanation about her age, the welfare housing in China and thier own personal experience with their adoption. It is not a pretty painted picture of the China Adoption poster child. Definitely a must read for those actually taking on the adoption of a child from China or any international adoption in which the child will spend the first part of their life in the care of the welfare homes/orphanages.

If nothing else, I encourage you to take a better look at your own Public Library in town. Check out all that is available to you for the taking. Save your Amazon.com money for diapers :)

Paper Pregnant

There is a Chinese legend that says the gods tie an invisible red thread between those who are destined to meet. The thread connects them until they are united, regardless of time, place, or circumstances.  The thread may stretch or tangle, but will never break. 

It's a little bit the same and a whole lot different than that day back in early July 2008. On my lunch break at home from work and there it was, the slightest little pink line. Of course I didn't believe it until 3 or 4 days later when it got darker. This was planned out almost the same. We talked about it and prayed that it would work. For every holiday and Birthday for the past year or more when I've been asked, "What do you want?" I usually reply, "An Effie!"


This year for my Birthday, August the 20th of 2010 I got my wish. No, not an instant Effie, but a definite start to our journey that will end in the distant future with a small, brown, beautiful baby girl from China. She will be the kind whose face cannot quite fit a giant grin and open eyes. It's either one or the other. And, tomorrow we will send off that first mailer to Great Wall China Adoptions.


Just typing this first entry in our blog makes it real. She has not even been conceived yet and already she is our daughter. Join us on this journey home.

Tomorrow's Fed Ex Mailer One

Mom's Birth Certificate

Dad's Birth Certificate

Marriage License

Application Letter-Notarized

Mom's Medical -Notarized

Dad's Medical-Notarized

Certificate of Financial Status- Notarized

Mom's Unemployment Letter- Notarized

Dad's Unemployment Letter- Notarized

Mom's Police Letter- Notarized

Dad's Police Letter- Notarized

3 Photocopies of Passports

POA- Notarized

G-1 Form for Mom and Dad