A Pretty Good Start

Having my son via C-Section was not in the plan for me. But, it happened. I was barely holding it together. Three days after surgery I received 2 units of blood in a transfusion. Just hours later, the Doctor told me they were going to supplement my son’s feedings with formula. I wept. I screamed and cried. “Give me just 12 more hours” I pleaded, “and a little bit of confidence. My birth experience was a disaster. Just let me have this one thing.”  I convinced them. Then I met a woman who changed my whole life. MaryAnne or MarySue or Mary something or another was the name of the lactation consultant at the hospital. She was very kind, patient and just exactly what I needed. More importantly she was just exactly what Jack needed. We proved that we could do it, together. I think back today in awe of this MOMENT in my life. It seems like the entire first year of my child’s life was determined right then and there. Monumental. Thank you Mary whatever your name was, a million times THANK YOU!!!

I have struggled in this adoption process with control. What will my child be eating that entire first year before we bring her home? Are there pillows or thick blankets in her crib at the orphanage that could suffocate her? Is there lead in the paint on that wooden rattle she loves to chew on? Is she in pain with an infection or diaper rash? Who will sing to her when she can’t fall asleep? Who will hug her when she feels lonely? Dear God, how can I keep her safe until she’s here?

It will be painful for me to have to buy formula for Effie, to feed her from a bottle when I’d love nothing more than to have the same privilege I had in nursing my son. This is just one of the many things I can’t control about being her mother, but of the things I can, I promise you and her that I will try to make the best informed decisions I can regarding her heath, education and happiness. Not everyone will agree with the way my husband and I choose to parent our children, but WE agree together that we want the smartest, healthiest, kindest and most well adjusted children on planet earth. I think we’ve made a pretty good start.